There's Hope for Us Yet

Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about myself. Specifically, I have learned that my view of God is skewed.

I am a perfectionist. I want everything to be right all the time. I will do everything in my power to make everything right.

But these last few years, everything was not right. God has taken my "perfect" world and turned it upside down.

I used to think that I had most of the answers. I used to think that I could explain everything with simple platitudes. When people struggled with faith in God, I was able to give all of the "correct" answers. Inwardly, I pitied those people for their lack of faith. All you had to do was follow some simple guidelines for a perfect life with God.

I am sure God watched me with dismay. He knew that I needed a slap in the face and an admonition to "snap out of it."

I got that slap in the face. Those things that I found to be so "easy" became difficult. It became difficult to trust in God when my world crashed around me. I fell into despair. My family suffered as a result. Suddenly, my "perfect" life was no longer perfect. It was not even close to perfect. I was wrecked.

I am finding that God does not want a "perfect" person. I always knew this logically. Over the past few years, God has gently guided me to know this in my heart.

I am now at a point in my life where I can say that I am a tragic failure. Everything I thought I could hold together with my perfectionism I lost hold of. I could do nothing by being a perfectionist, or by being the best at X,Y, or Z.

It took me a long time to realize that God could and desired to use this broken vessel of a man. Truthfully, I still have a lot to learn in this area. Gradually I am learning.

There is biblical evidence showing that there is hope for me yet. I need look no further than the first book of the Bible.

Genesis shows me men who failed over and over again. From the very beginning, Adam failed. I used to see this simply as a story of man's failure. Looking at the story again, I now see that God chose to use a broken Adam after his transgression.

The patriarchs offer great examples of God's willingness to use broken men in great ways. Abraham is considered righteous by God. Even when he lies about his spouse, Sarah, being his sister (twice) to save his own life in a foreign land.

His son Isaac repeats his lie. Isaac also causes family strife by favoring one son over another. His sons, Jacob and Esau, have a decades-long feud after Jacob lies and steals his brother's blessing.

Jacob not only lies to his father and brother, but later lies to his uncle (father-in-law). Jacob is deceitful in almost all of his dealings. Yet, God uses a broken vessel like Jacob for a greater good.

Jacob's sons deceive and murder. One of the most remarkable things about the Genesis account is that Joseph, Jacob's son, is able to break from a generational proclivity to deceit to exhibit righteous behavior time and time again.

Joseph's righteousness gives me hope.

I have made mistakes. I have hurt my family and been less than they deserve. I am more like Jacob than Joseph. Yet, God willingly chose both Jacob and Joseph and worked through each of them.

God shows us that he is in the business of using imperfect people to bring about exceptional things.

While I was "perfect" I couldn't be used by God effectively. Now that I am a broken vessel, God can use me in extraordinary ways. There is hope for us yet.

How about you? How has God used you, a broken vessel, to do His good work? Or are you still finding that there's hope for you?

The Lessons I've Leaned From My Son

Editor's Note: I originally wrote and published this in 2012. Although the years have passed, and my son has grown older (I've grown older too, but let's not mention that). I thought it would be fun to revisit this post after several years. I was surprised by the relevancy after some many years. In general, my son's personal characteristics have not changed. He may not wear cowboy boots today, but those characteristics that defined him seven years ago still define him as an 11-year-old. Today, I am so proud of how he has worked through personal adversities. He is strong. I plan to write another post updating the things I have learned from my son soon.

Becoming a father to two wonderful children (ages 4 and 2) has been a source of great joy and great education for me. Here are some of the things I have learned from my son (I’ll share lessons I’ve learned from my daughter in a later post.)

            First, my son has taught me to live in the moment. I am naturally analytical. I like order. I do like change and new things, but I like them to be on my terms. My son is completely opposite of me. He lives in the moment. Yes, this means that he is impatient (so am I) and we will work on his patience over the next years. However, there is something endearing about his desire to be in the moment. Why wait to ride your bike, when you can ride it now? Who needs to wait for hockey practice, when you can strap on your rollerblades and play hockey now? I have learned that he is often right. He seizes the day. I am learning also to seize the day. I am unlikely to stop planning or setting life goals any time soon, but I am seeking to seize opportunities to enjoy life when they arise.

            Second, my son has taught me to value companionship. He always needs to be near people. His need can be frustrating at times (“please, son, let me just go to the restroom alone for one minute!!”) but there is nothing sweeter than when he wakes up in the morning and plants himself next to me on the couch, asking me to place my arm around his shoulder. While I do like people (really, I do), I could spend days alone and be content. Honestly, I could probably spend a few weeks alone and not grow lonely. A funny thing has happened, however, to this self-proclaimed introvert. When I am away from my family, even if only for a few hours, I long to see them again. I truly enjoy time spent with family in a way that I did not enjoy it before. My son has taught me that the basic human need for relationship (especially a relationship with God) is so important to me.

            Third, my son has taught me to stand up for what is right. My son is not given to defending himself. He is a follower rather than a leader. In his diffidence, I have seen him many times submit to a bully or a child with a more aggressive personality. He has come to tell me that the boys on the playground won’t let him go down the slide, or that his friend decides what they will play and the rules governing the play. My heart breaks for him. I want him to stand up for himself. Then I realize that there are still many times in my life when I cower to bullies I meet rather than standing up for what is decent, right, and true. I have made some decisions in recent years that were not well-received by many people, but I know they were the right decisions because they were made to uphold what was decent. If I had not watched my son submit to his bullies, I might not have had the fortitude to stand up for what is right.

            Fourth, my son has taught me that I must persevere when times are tough. My son reacts to setbacks in one of two ways: either he will give up in tears, or he will keep pressing on. You would expect that from a four-year-old. I have watched him throw a tantrum when he cannot hit a baseball I have pitched to him. I have watched him burst into tears when his hockey equipment does not fit properly. And I have watched him punch and kick when he cannot accomplish a physical task. But, I have also seen him kick a soccer ball over and over until he scores a goal. I have seen him overome a past fear and tackle his fear with strong-willed determination. I find that I can react to setbacks just like a four-year-old: I can give up, or I can press on. There are many days when I want to leave my calling as a pastor, or move somewhere I am unknown. When these days come, I often think of that little boy who perseveres. He keeps at it and does not give up. The fact is, even though I see times when he temporarily gives up, my son never abandons his objective. He eventually hits the baseball I pitch to him, and he gets his hockey equipment to fit. During those times, he often says, “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.” I don’t know where he learned that saying, but I like it. God has not promised us a trouble-free life. In this world there will be trials, but we are called to look to the One who has overcome the world.

            Fifth, my son has taught me to enjoy things outside of my comfort zone. I’m a bookworm. I’m not an athlete or an outdoorsman. My son, on the other hand, is a natural athlete. He is fascinated by wildlife. He is interested in hunting. He can distinguish a mule deer from a white-tail deer, and can tell you the differences between a buck, doe, and fawn (alright, it’s not rocket science, but it still impresses me). He loves cowboys and is always wearing cowboy boots. And I am learning to love those things with him. They may not be the things I would find interesting, but his interest has spurred my interests.

            Finally, my son has taught me so much about love. It is true that you cannot understand the love of a parent for a child until you are a parent. I am exacerbated by my son’s attitude at times. He is a very strong-willed child (I believe they would have called him a “spirited child” in the olden days). I want him to have empathy when he hurts his sister. I want him to do things on my timetable and schedule. But, I love that tyke unconditionally. He brings joy into my life. I imagine my love for him is very like the love God has for me. He must get exacerbated with my willfulness (O.K. let’s call it stubbornness). I am sure He wants me to have empathy for others. And I am sure that He wants me to walk in the good works that he has prepared for me in advance to walk in. Yet, I know that God loves me unconditionally. I would not know how much God loves me, if it were not for my son.

            What lessons have you learned from your son or your sons?

Removing Fear from Our Lives

We are told to be bold. We are to be strong. We are to be courageous. Why? Because if God is for us who can be against us?

One of the trickiest weapons the enemy uses against us is fear.

There are times when I have been crippled by fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of not measuring up. Fear of hypocrisy. Fear of being a poor husband, father, or son.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where fear overtakes our lives. Think about the number of news stories, television programs, movie and novels in which people cannot act (or act inappropriately) due to fear. Maybe you recognize it in your church members, your neighbors, your family members, or yourself.

We know we are in a war between good and evil. The enemy uses the fear tool to win many a battle. It's probably not hip to say this in an age where the anti-hero reigns supreme. Our screenwriters and authors create flawed characters. We are told to admire them flaws and all. The Bible, however, reveals that there are absolutes. There is One who is absolutely good and one who is absolutely evil. Fear is real and the enemy sidelines too many people using it.

Our family loves the Zach Williams' song "Fear is a Liar." We always listen to Christian radio in the car. And this song is one of our anthems. More than once while listening to it, I have told my family that we need to really listen to the words of the song and understand that fear is a liar.

We have many things we fear as a family. Individually, we have strongholds and barriers that the enemy uses against us on a regular basis. During these times, I try to remind myself and my kids to understand that those fears are lying to us. Those are words I too need to hear.

I think our challenge now is to do more than hear the words of the song (and the Scriptures). We need to turn that knowledge into heart-affirming truth. We need to cast away fear and live the lives that God intended for us to live. We need to be bold, strong, and courageous.

What about you? Do you need the reminder that God is with you? That you need not fear because you are His? That you are enough because He created you perfectly in His image?

Fear Is a Liar

Zach Williams

When he told you you're not good enough
When he told you you're not right
When he told you you're not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you're not worthy
When he told you you're not loved
When he told you you're not beautiful
That you'll never be enough

Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
'Cause fear he is a liar

When he told you were troubled
You'll forever be alone
When he told you you should run away
You'll never find a home
When he told you you were dirty
And you should be ashamed
When he told you you could be the one
That grace could never change

Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
'Cause fear he is a liar

Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel

Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel

Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel

Oh, let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel

Oh, fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
'Cause fear he is a liar

'Cause fear he is a liar

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Zach Williams / Jonathan Lindley Smith

Fear Is a Liar lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing

Adrift

Since it's a new year, I'm reading my Bible from the beginning again. I've read and preached from Genesis more times than I can name. God's word, however, is always fresh and alive. As I was reading the flood account, I was struck by this passage from Genesis 7:24-8:1.

"The water prevailed upon the earth one hundred fifty days. But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the cattle that were with him on the ark."

I've read the passage countless times. This time, however, I was struck by the seeming loneliness of the passage. Maybe it's because my family is experiencing a low time. Whatever the reason, I felt such a deep feeling of loneliness. I have always assumed that Noah and his family felt the presence of the Lord during the flood. As I read the passage from the NASB, I wondered: Did they feel alone? Did they feel God's presence? Or did they spend 150 days adrift -- listening fearfully to the constant pounding of the rain -- unsure if God would remember them?

Our family has experienced a long season of loneliness. There have been months on end where it seems that God has forgotten about us. It's difficult when you felt that you were once able to discern the voice of God, but now you feel radio silence.

I would like to say that we have responded to this season of silence in a dignified way -- trusting in God despite the silence. The truth, however, is that the silence has left us adrift. Much of the time, we have drifted away from God, and have been unable to trust in Him or his promises. Truthfully, we have completely ignored Him during this season of silence.

I draw new hope from this passage. I don't know if Noah and his family felt adrift, or forgotten, or lonely. I do know that the Bible says that "God remembered Noah." I am mindful that God never forgot Noah. I am cognizant that got has not forgotten me or my family. But, my heart has had trouble hanging on to that promise that He will not forget me nor forsake me (Deut. 31:8, Heb 13:5-6).

Contentment

Photo by Li Hua-hsuan on Unsplash

“I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” Philippians 4:11-12

We all know that we are to be content in what the Lord provides for us. We can even say that we are content in all circumstances. But, is this really true? In my life, I find that I struggle with contentment. I am on a quest to be content in what the Lord provides. It is not an easy journey.

I must admit that I am blessed with many things in life. I have a loving, supportive family. I have a job I love. I have good friends. I have a beautiful home and do not want for anything necessary for life. I live in a country with freedoms of speech, politics, and religion. I have never had to worry where the next meal is coming from, or if I can afford to go to the doctor. And I know that the majority of people in the world cannot make the same claims. So then, why does it seem that I struggle with contentment?

Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash

I think a root cause is our basic human nature. How many proverbs speak of the better thing just around the corner? Our natural instinct is to want something different, something better, something just out of reach. Unfortunately, in our quest to get the next thing (whether it be a possession, a job, a prestigious position, etc.) we often turn our desire into an idol worthy of our best worship. One of the Ten Commandments is “you shall not covet.” God considers discontent as significant a character flaw as murder, stealing, and adultery. Yet, how often do I consider my covetousness as a primary offense against God?

So I am on a quest to be content in all circumstances. And I am not just speaking about contentment in monetary resources or possessions. I am talking about contentment with every circumstance in life. I often want to trade in my job, or my family, or my recreation for a different model or for an idealized model. If only I could get the kids to act in this way, then life would be great. If only I could get this task accomplished at work, then life would be grand. If only I had the time to exercise or prepare these healthy meals, then my life would be care-free. 

The awful truth is that my mind often dwells on the what-ifs or the could-bes in life. And every time I dwell on the what-ifs, my contentment level sinks. I start to blame circumstances, or people, or God for the “defects” in my life (if I only had more money, if she’d only be willing to, if God would do this, then …).

I am also on a quest to find the most utility in those possessions I have, and to seriously evaluate my need for those possessions. Is it appropriate to have as many clothes as I have? And if so, then am I content with that and am I thankful to God for His provision of those clothes? Do I really need all the things that I have? How can I show gratefulness for what I do have? How might I show greater appreciation for the things that God has graciously given me that are not possessions (family, education, time, good health, etc.) but are invaluable to my personal fulfillment?

Photo by Robert Reyes on Unsplash

I often daydream about my garden. I think about what might be. I plan for what I might plant next season. I picture what crops we might harvest, or what flowers we might see next season. I know it’s a silly example, but this is really how my mind works. But, my dreams often turn into desires, and I will pursue my desires no matter what the cost. Am I willing to sacrifice time with my son and daughter so that I can get a pint of blueberries next season? Would I spend untold amounts of money on mail-order plants and seeds and neglect spending time or money on a ministry God has called me to pursue?

What is your daydream garden of discontent? What would you be willing to sacrifice in pursuit of that garden?

I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to leave a comment of email me at faithofthisfather@gmail.com.

Why Study 1 Samuel as a Family?

I am going to post a series of reflections/Bible studies on the book of 1 Samuel. Here are some reasons that this ancient book should be read and studied today.

Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash

It Tells Stories of Family

The book of 1 Samuel tells the stories of priests and kings. It also tells the stories of families. Whether it is Hannah being bullied by her husband's other wife or the priest Eli confronting his wayward sons, the book describes family at its best and worst. I think it is important for Christian families to see these examples of faithful and unfaithful persons.

It Is an Engaging Read

We love to hear and read stories. My daughter and I are avid readers. My son and daughter enjoy reading the "I Survived" book series that tells stories of fictional characters in real-event settings. Everyone in our family enjoys a good tale. The book of 1 Samuel tells a great true story. It is filled with intrigue and some humor. There is a lot of dramatic tension among family members and among King Saul and David. There are giants, ghosts, villains and heroes. Who says the Bible is old, tired, and boring? 

It Shows Families Worshiping God

Hannah's prayer of praise is such a great example of worship. We also see other people worshiping God. The book shows us something that is rare in today's world, families who place God first and foremost in all they do. That's a great message for us to reflect on today.

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

It Shows People at Their Best and Worst

I don't know about you, but I like to see authentic people. I don't like reading stories about perfect people. I cannot relate to them. Can you? First Samuel shows us real people at their best and worst. The priest Eli is a wonderful servant of God, but a terrible father. Saul is a king with great promise, and overwhelming fears. Jonathan is a great friend. David is a faithful follower of God (we read about his downfall in 2 Samuel). I can relate to the real people in this book, and so can my kids. 

It Proves that God is in Control

Throughout the book we see God at work through the people in the book. They are not perfect, and they make decisions that displease God, but God is always in control. God's hand is ever present in the lives of the people of this time. And if He was in control during this time, we can rest assured that he is in control today, even when personal circumstances seem overwhelming to us. 

Ready for the journey? Let's jump in to a family Bible study of 1 Samuel.

When the Wheels Fall Off: My Journey to Find God Again

What happens when everything in your world is turned upside down?

That's the question I have been asking and trying to answer for three years. It has been a dark time. It has been a time when I have turned away from God. I have been angry at Him, at my family, at people who hurt me deeply.

My family has suffered because I have not been able (or willing) to lead them. I have prayed that God would take my life to spare my family the burden of living with this broken man whom they call husband or father.

In time, I will share some of the events that led to this dark time. For now, it is enough to say that there are times in our Christian walk when we seem to be alone.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The Downward Spiral

Three years ago, I had to give up a floundering ministry. There are a number of reasons for this, some of them I created, some of them were created by others. Today, I can look back at this time and declare that it was the best decision for me and my family. At the time, however, it was difficult and crippling. It shattered my confidence in myself and my God. I felt hopeless -- and useless. I was of no use to my family or to myself.

After spending half a year in the same town where I gave up the ministry, we had an opportunity to move. My wife got a job in a different state, and we packed our bags to start this new journey. It was so important for our family to get out of the place that had turned toxic for us. We did leave good friends and family when we moved, but a fresh start was best for us.

Unfortunately, when we moved, I carried those feelings of uselessness and inadequacy with me. We thought this would be a good opportunity for me to get back into ministry, but the shadows of the past haunted me. I felt like I was submerged to my shoulders in quicksand, about to go under and suffocate.

A Glimmer of Hope

There was one ray of hope during this time. Although it was difficult for me to attend church, or read my Bible, or pray, I was still able to listen to Christian music. In fact, my daughter (now 9-years-old) insisted that we listen to Christian radio in my car. While many parts of my soul were covered by darkness, the radio brought some hope.

Photo by Courtney Corlew on Unsplash

We listened to K-LOVE and other Christian stations. We listened to songs of hopefulness. We listened to songs of trust in the midst of despair. We listened to songs that uplifted us.

For three years, I have listened to Christian music daily. Each day, the lyrics would penetrate a small portion of my soul. There has been no dramatic, overnight change in me. The truth is I am still a long way from where I want to be in my spiritual pilgrimage. But, I am getting there.

Photo by Charles Black on Unsplash

My greatest regret is that my family has suffered due to my inability to move on. I have not been able to lead my family, and we have all suffered greatly because of that. The road to spiritual healthiness will be a long one. I am sure there will be many bumps along the way. But, we must start down this road.

Where Do We Go From Here?

So what, you ask? Honestly, I am not really sure. I want to once again share our family's journey of faith. I want to share with you resources and insights from our Christian journey. I want this site to be a place where broken people can come, lean on each other, and press on.

We are in no way ready to show you a healthy, happy Christian family. We probably never were. I do think, however, that our many failings will make us better able to share a real and evolving faith.

So Faith of This Father is back. I plan to go through some old content and revise it. I plan to share our current journey. I plan on writing and sharing my personal journey to find God again (He never left, I just lost sight of Him) through Bible studies.

Please, let me know how I can help you. What would you like to see from Faith of This Father? Send me an email: faithofthisfather@gmail.com