Today, my wife and I celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary. I have been blessed to have such a beautiful and understanding woman in my life. Our marriage has had its ups and downs. Some of those up and downs were the results of our actions or selfishness (Mostly my selfishness). Some of those ups and downs were external drivers that had an impact on our relationship. However, through it all, I count myself greatly blessed by my wife. I also have learned many lessons from her that have drawn me closer to her, and have drawn me closer to God. I’d like to share some of those lessons.
Generosity My wife is naturally generous. She takes great joy in giving to others. She may give her time by listening. She may give her money for a cause or purpose. She loves to give. She takes great pleasure in finding the perfect gift for a person. I have to admit, I sometimes have tunnel vision and am unaware of needs people around me may have. My wife helps me see those needs, and more importantly, find generous ways to serve those needs. I also tend to have a tighter hand around our pocketbook. But, my wife has opened me up to see needs and to be willing to meet some of those needs financially. Because of her generosity, we have taken memorable vacations with friends and family members. Because of her generosity and heart, we have sponsored a child through World Vision. Because of her generosity, we have sent memorable “just because” gifts to people who have received those gifts when they most needed them. Her generosity is an extension of the generosity that God has shown me. How incomprehensible to me that the Lord of the universe humbled Himself to become a man like me and generously gave His life that I might have life. Compared to His generosity, a smaller pocketbook, or an evening spent listening to others seems a small “sacrifice” for me to make.
Character Matters Two years ago, I was going through a difficult time. I had to make some decisions that really upset a number of people. Over a period of six months, I was met constantly with people who were willing to vociferously proclaim that my decisions were wrong. To this day, I feel my decisions were right and warranted; however, during that time I had to listen as my name and reputation were reviled daily. I wanted to go on the attack and defend myself and my choices. But, I did not. During this time, my wife stood beside me, reminding me that at the end of the day my reputation was dependent upon my character. If I had fought back, my character would have been damaged. It was my wife who first voiced the statement that would become our family motto, “We always do what is right.” How often I have thought about that statement. How often that statement has prevented me from doing things that are not right. My wife understood that we are defined by our character. My wife also understood that as Christians, it is not just our reputation that is at stake, but also Christ’s reputation that hangs in the balance of our actions. I am not perfect, and I’ll readily admit that. But, I do try to live by that motto for me, for my family, and for my Lord.
People Matter Like most men, I tend to walk through life thinking primarily about myself and my concerns. My wife is more intuitively plugged in to other people’s hurts and burdens. I am sure God wired men and women differently in this area for a grand purpose. I see the purpose manifested in my marriage as my wife makes me more sensitive to the pain other people are experiencing. I suppose it could be said that I can be harsh or undiplomatic at times. If I see a problem, I am quick to offer a solution. I just don’t always offer that solution with tact. My wife, on the other hand, takes great pains to be sensitive to another person’s feeling when she speaks to them. When she has to confront a sinful attitude in someone else, she is careful in choosing her words. She prays over the meeting. She replays the conversation in her head, worrying that she came across too harshly. She deals with people compassionately. I am learning so much from her in this area. I do care about people, and I do want them to live healthy lives that glorify God. Watching my wife, and emulating her, is helping me so much.
Confront When Necessary I don’t like a fight. I avoid confrontation whenever I can. My wife does not seek out confrontations, but when she sees something that needs to be confronted, she is unafraid to take up that challenge. But, she is not rude or domineering. My wife has a God-given ability to correct and confront people with mercy. She has a great amount of wisdom, and she is able to sift through a lot of information or misinformation to get to the heart of a problem. That in itself is a talent. But, I am amazed at how effectively and mercifully she can analyze a problem, and confront a person commandingly. She can give you a good tongue lashing, and you are thankful that she has done so!! She also helps me confront things that I would like to avoid, generally by giving me a much-needed but merciful “talking to.” And I am grateful to her for holding me accountable to confront wrong and uphold truth. She’s not a punk fighter, she chooses the right fights, and fights them is a godly, upright way.
Work as a Team We have two kids, ages five and three. Anyone who has raised kids knows that they will wear you down. You also know that they will work every angle to get what they want, even if it means turning their parents against each other. But, in our home, my wife is quick to see that and refuses to fall for it. Her influence has had a positive impact on our family. We are the Hale family. We are a team. Every person has a role to play. Every person in our family has value. We are stronger united than we can ever be individually. And we seek to build each other up. And what a great feeling I receive from building someone else up. I want to extend that outside of my family and build up those I meet in my neighborhood, at my church, and in my community.
Listen Well All right, so I haven’t learned all of these lessons well. This is a case in point. My wife is teaching me how to be a better listener. And I have a lot of work and many bridges to cross in this area. I am quick to hear part of her speech, and then work of “fixing” a problem for her. I also am quick to formulate my response midway through her speech, rather than waiting to hear all that she has to say and then responding. And, my wife always wants me to respond to her comments, which can be hard for me. I often ask, “What am I supposed to say to that?” and her response is, “You could say, ‘Oh,’ or “Hmmm,” or “I’m sorry to hear that.’” You get the point. Sometimes I’m a dunce. My wife, however, really knows how to listen and listen well. She really values listening and listening well, so she expends effort to make it real. She embodies James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” I’m learning, honey.
Wow, I am blessed. I serve a great God and have a great life partner. How lucky am I? Here’s to eight more years of growing together and richly growing in the Lord.
For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.
For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.
