Taking the Initiative

I just read “Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood” by Dennis Rainey. In the book, Rainey talks about the five life stages of being a man: boyhood, adolesence, manhood, mentor, and patriarch. He spens a lot of time writing about a man’s call to courageously take initiative for his life and his family’s life.

            Taking initiative for our lives and our families is difficult. The truth is that it is easier to remain a spectator as your life passes you by. Changing the momentum of your life by leading is tough. The fact is that it is far easier to go with the flow, letting teaching and growing moments pass you by. The problem is that God has called men to be those who take initiative. God placed responsibility for the Fall on the shoulders of Adam, not Eve. God spoke to Abraham and told him to leave his family and journey to a land that God would show him. King David, so dearly loved by God, was caught in sin when he chose to stay in Jerusalem rather than go to the battlefield, as was expected of the king. Biblical texts tell men to work, discipline their children, love their wives etc. Paul speaks repeatedly of working diligently for the Lord and to provide the resources for his missionary journeys. The Proverbs have many verses stating that the idle will come to harm while the diligent worker will be blessed. And 1 Timothy 5:8 reads, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

            The questions become: Am I taking initiative in my life? Am I taking initiative for leading my family? Am I a diligent worker, or an idle worker?  As I think about these questions, here are some areas in which I think that Christian men are called to take a stand. The list is not exhaustive. An honest look at this list will probably point out areas in which we all fall short in stepping up in leadership. The good news is that there is always time to stop the slow numbing of inertia.

-          Are you faithful in your Christian walk with God? Are you faithful in Bible reading? In Bible study? In prayer? Do you see the marks of maturity and growth in this area?

-          Are you faithful in your allegiance to His church? Are you a regular attender, or a twice-a-year sort of guy? Does everyone know once NFL season starts, that you will disappear from worship services? Are you active in a ministry within your church?

-          Are you a loyal and disciplined worker? Does your boss trust that when giving you an assignment it will be accomplished quickly and efficiently? Do you have a can-do attitude about your work? Are you like Joseph who was regularly promoted because of his strong work ethic? Do you do as much as you can do while you are on the clock? Do you act the same way when people are watching as you do when nobody is watching?

-          Are you a loving husband? Is your love expressed through consistent actions? Do you take the first step in improving and strengthening your marriage? How do you honor your spouse?

-          Are you a teaching father? Do you provide instruction to your children? Are you teaching them life lessons? Are you the leader in proper discipline and training of your children?

-          Are you leading the spiritual growth of your family? Do you have regular family nights? Do you pray with your wife and for your wife? Do you pray with your children and for your children? Do you lead your family to trust in God when making decisions about finances, spending, etc? Does your family see you making decisions that honor God? Do you lead your family to read and trust in the Bible?

-          Are you the leader in ordering your household? Do you have a vision for your household and family? Do you have a plan for how your children are raised? Is your house and yard maintained, or is it the eyesore of the neighborhood?

-          What are you doing to make your community a better place?

Maybe you look at this list and feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It seems that you have failed in too many areas, and you don’t know where to begin. It is not too late to take initiative and make a positive change. Take the one area that most resonates with you and start working on that area. While writing this list, I am fully aware that I am not perfect (or even close to perfect) in any of these areas. There is always room for growth. But, gentlemen, you were created for this. Take the first step.

Hope in an Age of Hopelessness

I woke up this morning to news of yet another fatal shooting in our country, this time at the Empire State Building in New York City. In the past few weeks, there have been horrific shootings in Colorado, Wisconsin, Texas, Washington D.C., and now New York. Within the past year, there was also a mass shooting in my hometown of Carson City, Nevada. Every time these unfortunate events take place, we ask the question, “Why?”

            I cannot answer that why question, other than to reaffirm that the Bible says that humankind’s sin has brought disorder into our world. I also know that the Bible states that these events will continue until Jesus comes again. In fact, it seems probable that the “wars and rumors or wars,” and violence will intensify as time goes on.

            Many will ask the question, “What is the cause of this increased violence, and how can we stop it?” People will point to many culprits. It’s worry over a troubled economy. It’s hopelessness over our political landscape. It’s the result of callous, dehumanizing violence in video games, cartoons, and movies. It’s the result of a de-sensitzing media. It’s the result of incivility in our culture. All of these answers could be explanations to the shootings. We may never know.

            I am raising two young children in today’s world. I worry about the world in which they will live in twenty or thirty years. What world will my grandkids, or great grandkids live in? Will it be a world in which violence is commonplace? Will people become so de-sensitized to violence that news of shootings like we hear now will be ignored or treated with disdain? Will they avoid speaking to neighbors for fear of violence, or ridicule, or uncivil speech?

            I know that God is sovereign. He has knowledge of all things, and knows the future, and what our world will look like in the years ahead. And He is in complete control. He is all powerful. He is not the author of evil, and He will even work through the present evil for ultimate good (see Genesis 50:19-20, Isaiah 10, Acts 2:22-34).

            We, though, are responsible for our actions. We are accountable for those things we do that are just and unjust. As such, we can make a difference in our present world.  I am just one person. It is unlikely that I can change the world. But, I can change the dynamic of my family. You, too, are just one person. But, if we choose to make positive changes in our lives and the lives of our families, we could leave this world a somewhat better place. How can we change our speech so that what we say is exhorting, rather than crippling? How can we leave a legacy of hope in an age of hopelessness? How can we change the tenor of incivility in our cultural rhetoric? It’s worth contemplating answers to these questions, and it’s worth making real efforts to change the dynamic in our lives.

In the Event of My Untimely Death - Please Read This

“Abraham breathed his last and died in a good old age, an old man and full of years, and was gathered to his people. Isaac and Ishmael his sons buried him in the cave of Machpelah” Genesis 25:8-9

“And Isaac breathed his last, and he died and was gathered to his people, old and full of days. And his sons Esau and Jacob buried him’ Genesis 35:29

“For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers.” Acts 13:36

            I do not think that I will die today. I do not think that I will die tomorrow. However, I do not know for certain that I will not die today, or tomorrow. We are not promised a set number of days on this earth. Only God knows the number of our days. I am still relatively young, and in relatively good health, but I must still be prepared for the possibility of death. As a Christian husband and father, I must be ready and prepared.

            As I read the Bible, I am struck by those men of faith who finished the race with dignity. The deaths of Abraham, Isaac, and David show that it is important that we are prepared for the eventuality of death, and that we leave a godly legacy for those we leave behind. What does that legacy look like?

            Over the past few months, I have seriously considered the kind of legacy I want to leave behind for my family. It started as I listened to radio talk host Dave Ramsey who suggested preparing a legacy drawer. Ramsey is a financial guru who gives straight-talk answers to his callers about financial troubles. On one of his programs, he started talking about a legacy drawer that he has prepared for his family in the event of his death (you can read more about Dave Ramsey’s tips on making a legacy box at http://www.daveramsey.com/article/legacy-drawer-keep-your-family-prepared/lifeandmoney_relationshipsandmoney/). The legacy drawer contains insurance policies, deeds to vehicles and property, safe deposit box info, etc. Shortly after listening to Ramsey, I started preparing my own legacy drawer. I started to plan my memorial service, and asked a fellow pastor and great friend if he would perform my service. I tried to put in writing all of the things I would want done to prepare my body, etc. so that my wife or children did not have to worry about those details should I die.

            I also started working on getting my financial house in order, making lists of bank accounts, insurance policies, with passwords, etc. that my family may need if I were to die tomorrow. The truth is that I still have a lot of work to do in preparing my legacy drawer, but I have started to take those necessary steps for those whom I love.

            But, leaving a legacy is more than just having a will in place and financial records accessible. I started thinking about lessons I would want my children to know. What if I am not alive to walk my daughter down the aisle? What would I want her to know? What advice would I want my son to know about his first job, or supporting a friend? Would my wife know how much I truly loved her and how much I appreciated her standing next to me in all circumstances? While I felt they could be provided for financially with a legacy drawer, I knew that I wanted to leave them with more.

            So, I started writing letters for them. I have created three-ring binders with letters to my children. These letters tell them how I have enjoyed watching them grow up and learn new things. Additionally, I have started writing letters that can be shared with my family when I pass from this earth to be with my Lord. These letters are being placed in a binder for family members to read after I die. These letters tell of wishes I have for each family member, and important lessons I want to leave for each of them. Also, I am trying to leave a journal that will tell my family a little about my life, the things I valued, and my struggles and successes. I want them, most of all, to understand that Jesus is important to me and that I want Him to be important in their lives as well. I have considered leaving video message for family members, and I know that I would like to leave them with a gift and an object to remember me by.

            But, there is one final step in leaving a legacy that has been more difficult for me to enact. I have good memories from my time here on planet earth. I have also made mistakes and have broken relationships with some family members and people I once called friends. An important part of leaving a positive legacy is to lovingly confront those people and work on healing and repairing those relationships. Here’s the kicker. I am not always the person primarily at fault for those strained relationships. However, as I read the Bible, I find it clear that regardless of fault, I have a responsibility to repair those relationships. That is a big part of being a man of God.

            I want the end of my life to be as faithful to God and my family as I hope my every day life is. What better legacy to leave than to have the words, “having served the purpose of God in his own generation, he fell asleep and was laid with his fathers” said of me? Isn’t that the legacy you would want, too.

Lessons We're Trying to Teach Our Children

What is the most important thing we can teach our children? For each person, there is probably a different answer, or set of answers to that question. My wife and I have discussed some of the things we want to teach our children while they are in our care. Some of those things we want to teach our children are character issues, life skills, and values. Here is a list of some of those lessons we are teaching our four-year-old son and two-year-old daughter.

            Use your words, not your fists.  It’s easy to react when someone hurts you or says something hurtful about you. But the violent reaction is seldom the best reaction.

            Money doesn’t grow on trees. Yeah, we heard it from our parents, but it’s a valuable lesson. We try to explain to our children that each purchase we make is the result of mom and dad working hard to earn money for us. Which brings us to …

            Always give your best. We are trying to instill a strong work ethic in our children. We’re trying to show them that they must work hard to get the things in life they want most. They are not entitled to everything simply because they are charming.

            Take responsibility for your actions. We know that our kids will make mistakes. We, however, are trying to teach them to be responsible for their actions. It’s not easy. It’s easier to cast blame on someone else, or on some situation over which you had “no control.”  This would also involve taking responsibility for finances and apologizing when you have hurt someone else.

            Treat people with respect. We may not like everyone we meet, and we may not always agree with everything they say or do, but we must respect them as people. God created each person as image-bearers of Him. We should not tarnish that image with disrespect.

            Help others when you can. As a family, we sponsor a young boy through World Vision. We exchange letters and photos with him. When our children ask why we are friends with him, we try to teach them that since God has given us much, we are compelled to help others, including our young friend.

            Ask questions and be ready to learn. This is not a difficult lesson to teach our children. They are inquisitive (and brilliant, if I may assert my humble analysis). We never know where their questions will lead us, and we have made many Google searches to find out the answers to their questions.

            Read a lot.  We go to the library frequently. We read fiction, and non-fiction with the kids. We have even been reading Little House in the Big Woods. Even though I was concerned that the kids might not be able to sit and listen to a book that is written for an older child, they have surprised me with their interest in the book.

            Respect your elders. Yeah, we’re traditionalist in this respect. We teach our children to call adults “Miss Kim” or “Mr. Mike.” If either child talks back to Mom, I quickly reprimand them and tell them that we will not tolerate such disrespect in our home.

            Use your manners. It may not be in vogue, but we always say “please” and “thank you.” It’s just the right thing to do. Which brings us to …

            Our family always does what is right.  Even if it is difficult, or results in friends making fun of you, you are to do what is right. Sometimes, our children have watched their parents’ example of this principle, even when it has hurt us, or has been costly to us.

            Tell the truth. Telling the truth can come at a great cost, but it is something we must do. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn as a child, and I still am tempted to tell an expedient lie. But, the truth is always better, and easier than a lie.

            Love God. We never want to force our faith on our children, but we are trying to teach them that God loves them, and we are praying that they will love God in return. We also pray that they will one day be followers of Jesus.

            We are not perfect parents. Sometimes, unfortunately, our children learn as we make mistakes and ask forgiveness from others, or take responsibility for wrong choices we make. But, those may be some of the best moments of learning we can give to our kids. I’m sure there are more lessons to be taught, and there are certainly more that we are trying to teach our children. What are we forgetting? Let me know.

Lessons I've Learned from my Daughter

My daughter will become a three-year-old later this month. She is the quieter, less needy of my children. Because of that, she sometimes gets lost or unnoticed as we deal with her older brother. So, it is not always easy to see her personality. As she is getting older, though, she is developing more of a personality, and as she does, I am learning a lot about her, and she is teaching me a lot, too. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from my daughter.

            Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. My daughter has two facial expressions – her grumpy face and her smiling face. I think she gets her grumpy face from me. Her grumpy face, however, is adorable (mine is not so adorable). As much as I like her grumpy face (although I don’t like the attitude that comes with it), I adore her smiling face. Her smile really does light up a room (even if that is an overused cliché). But, her laughter is irresistible. My girl cannot laugh without others in the room laughing, too. I can take this life too seriously. I can forget to let Christian joy fill my life. My daughter has reminded me to laugh, and to find joy at all times.

            Reading is important. My daughter loves to read (well, actually, she enjoys people reading to her). One night, I noticed how much she loves to read as I heard her “reading” the story with me. She had memorized the book we were reading, and could recite it by heart. She even “read” the book with the same inflections and pauses with which I read the book. She loves to go to the library and get new books to read. She has an advanced vocabulary, and always speaks with correct subject-verb agreement.  How critically important it is to read to our children.

            I have to watch my temper. My daughter has a temper. She gets that from me. Yes, I know that she is going through her “terrible twos,” but her temper is something that we are trying to control. But, I cannot be too quick to correct her temper tantrums when I still throw my own temper tantrums. Unfortunately, my daughter has seen me lose my temper and explode unnecessarily on more than one occasion. I am sorry that my daughter, and the rest of my family, have had to see my tantrums, and I want to do better for all of them, but especially for my daughter, who seems especially sensitive to harsh words.

            Take time to focus on family.  I accomplish tasks. I do, make, write, read, prepare, strategize, etc. I work, work, work. I find great satisfaction in my work and in work in general. I found that at home, though, I would spend time thinking about what I needed to do that day at work, or planning a to-do list. Then, I noticed that my daughter would politely come up to me asking to play. I found that stopping what I was doing and playing with her for ten minutes or longer was deeply satisfying to her and to me. Honestly, I find our playtime boring. It is repetitive as we “cook” dinner at her toy kitchen – over, and over, and over again. But she delights in spending time with me or her mother. I have learned to put away the work that I thought I needed to accomplish (most of it can indeed wait, or not get done with no worries) and spend time with my children. It is even becoming easier to shut my brain off and turn complete focus to my family. Last year, I would have considered my family a distraction from my more “important” work. Now I consider my family as most important. And as I focus more on them, I am learning more how important it is to be in relationship with God and to devote “my” time to Him.

            I am a protective papa bear. Men know that one of the jobs of a husband and a father is to protect his family. We understand that on a mental level, but my daughter has taught me this on a heart level. My daughter is petite, and a charmer. Her smile melts hearts and can make grown men cry. And as I watch this small, precious child, my protective sense kicks into high gear. I do worry for her. She lives in a world of bullies and predators. She is vulnerable, and it is my job to protect her. As my thoughts have turned more toward protecting my daughter, I also have realized that I have become more protective of every member of my family. Honestly, I don’t know that I would have protected or defended my wife before my daughter was born to the same level as I will since she has been born. I now fight even more fiercely that my four-year-old son is allowed to remain innocent and hopeful rather than jaded and cynical. I may never have been asked to defend my country, but I will defend my family in a heartbeat. And that characteristic I learned from my daughter.

            Time will tell what other lessons I learn from my precious girl.