Getting Away from It All with My Baby

Recently, my wife and I got a night away from the kids. A babysitter spent the night with our children as we went to a hotel for some rest and relaxation. We didn’t do anything exciting. We went out to dinner and ice cream and then spent the night watching some television at the hotel room. But it offered us the opportunity to get away and listen to each other. I was able to tell my wife about some professional things with which I was struggling. It was a time for us to reconnect with each other. We try to get away two or three times a year to reconnect and reaffirm our commitment to each other. Sometimes, we travel and visit other cities. Sometimes, like this most recent time, we are not too far from home.

The daily ebb and flow of life makes it essential for us to get away from it all. If you are like us, there is so much going on in your daily and weekly routine, that it becomes easy for your marriage to take a back seat to the routine. We have places to be, doctors appointments to get to, work tasks to complete, school lunches to make, vehicle maintenance to schedule, and bills to pay. In the craziness of life, it becomes easy to take the marriage for granted. Our times away afford us the opportunity to put focus back on our marriage.

There are times when we plan a getaway with the intention of forecasting and planning for the future. On one getaway, we planned some one-year and five-year goals for our family. Another time, we spent time intentionally holding hands and asking each other questions and listening to the answers given. And we are still dreaming of the blow-your-bank-account getaway when we travel to another city and indulge in the finest hotel rooms, eat at the priciest restaurants, and enjoy the greatest entertainment the city has to offer. We have discussed child-rearing, education, finances, and dreams during these getaways.

Most importantly, in our times away we are able to reset our marriage. Our time away always reaffirms the complete trust I have in my wife. It is a great time to enjoy time with my best friend. Sometimes, we have to be serious in discussing how we are neglecting each other or how we do not spend enough time in our “normal” lives making each other feel valued.

Our times away do not have to be costly. Sometimes, grandma watches the kids. We might eat on the cheap. Sometimes, we have gone to the grocery store and prepared most of our meals for little money. We can walk around a city and take in its ambiance without spending a dime. But, even if the getaway is pricier, it is worth every penny to reconnect.

Our retreats also are times when we can disconnect from the technological world. There are times when we don’t take computers, or check email or Facebook. What I have found is that we can fill our time with many time-wasting contraptions which isolate us from relationship. Not having the buzz of a computer or the distraction of a tablet can go a long way in helping us to reconnect to our relationship. Also, by extension, I have found that my relationship with my children is better after a retreat, because it becomes easier to put away those time-wasting tech toys.

The best part about our retreats is that I learn new things about my wife. Or, I re-learn her strengths as a person. I fall in love with her all over again. Our bond becomes stronger with each outing. I value her courage, her commitments, her ethics, and her faithfulness to her friends and her family in deeper ways. We will return to the real world. We will return to the routine, and we will get lost again in the routine. We will even disagree and fight again. But, when those times come, I have a reservoir of retreat memories that remind me of an amazing woman. Thank you, God. 

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

Teaching a Child the Commands of God

“Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7

            This command is given twice in the book of Deuteronomy. The men were to teach their children the ways of God. The men were to instruct their children on God’s commands. So, I started thinking about ways that we can teach our children according to this command. Obviously, times have changed since Moses delivered these words. And, these were instructions to the Hebrew people, but I still think they are applicable to Christians today. So, here are some ways that you can teach the commands of God diligently when 1) you sit in your house; 2) when you walk by the way; 3) when you lie down; and 4) when you rise.

            When you sit in your house

-          Tell what God has been doing in your life.

-          Let your children see you reading the Bible.

-          Discuss challenges in your daily routine and how you have responded to them in God-honoring ways.

-          Play a board game with your family. Consider ways the game can be used to teach some of the commands of God. For example, if your child moves her game piece further on the board than she should, use this as an opportunity to speak about cheating.

-          Discuss what is on the television screen. Do we see reflected on the screen values that are respectful of God’s commands?

-          Memorize scripture together.

When you walk by the way

-          Consider the wonder of the world God made as you drive your children to school.

-          Talk about the different types of people you see. Let your children know that all of these people are created in the image of God.

-          Talk about ways that God wants us to be stewards of the earth and how we are to care for the things of the earth.

-          Discuss ways that you have sinned against God and against His commands. Talk about some of the consequences of that sin in your life.

-          Consider the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Relate this to God’s transforming power in the life of a person.

-          Speak about the community found in a colony of ants, bees, etc. Discuss how we are to live in a community in a way that brings glory to God.

When you lie down

-          Pray with your children and for your children as you put them to bed.

-          Talk about the good things God has blessed you with that day, or in your life.

-          Tell them they are safe with you and that you will always protect them and that they find ultimate safety with the Lord.

-          Let them know that you love your spouse.

-          Tell them how God made them special.

-          Tell them you love them. You cannot say it enough.

When you rise

-          Start the day with prayer.

-          Let your children know that you are living this day to bring glory to God. Ask them to try to do the same.

-          Thank God for the start of a new day, for life, and for a new set of opportunities.

-          Quote simple scripture that you have memorized.

-          Offer a blessing to your child as he leaves for school.

These suggestions are most appropriate for a younger child (I'll discuss teaching a teenager when I cross that bridge). As your children grow older, you can do other things to teach them the commands of God. For example, my children are too young to memorize the Ten Commandments, but we have talked about some of the basic concepts behind those commands. As your children get older, you can be more proactive in directing conversations, and also encouraging them to act on behalf of others (for example, ask how an older child can befriend an outsider, or stand up for a child who is oppressed by peers).

We don’t have to do big things all the time. Teaching diligently does not have to involve a systematized family devotional night. But, we should seize every opportunity we are given to draw a child’s attention toward God. This can be done through scheduled events, but some of the most effective times I have found are unscheduled times when my children ask me questions about things they have heard during their school day. What a privilege God has given us to help form and direct a child’s heart to meet with and to know personally his or her Creator. 


For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

I Choose Courage

Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Joshua 1:6-7

Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

            Courage is a choice. As I have been reading the book of Joshua, I have seen this constant refrain to be strong and courageous. I have read the book of Joshua many times, and I have noticed before this constant refrain. But, reading the book this time, I realized that being courageous was a choice that Joshua had to make. It was not natural.

Watch a little child. He is tentative. He seeks the reassurance of mom and dad before doing something new. He is unsure whether or not to leave the security of dad’s lap to try something new. As he grows up, he will realize that going with the flow is easier than sticking his neck out into a dangerous unknown. Yet, as that child grows up, he will be told that manhood is leading a life of courageousness. And that man will have to choose courage or irrelevancy.

            As I read the Bible, I do not get the sense that Joshua is tentative or cowardly. He and Caleb are sure that the Hebrew people can capture the Promised Land while 10 other men discourage the people from the pursuit. We do not read of Joshua being hesitant before leading decisive battle after battle in the Promised Land. So why is it that we read this constant refrain of “be strong and courageous” in the story of Joshua? I don’t think it’s because God does not trust Joshua. It is rather because Joshua, like all men, needs to be reminded that he is called to courageous living, and he must choose to be courageous.

            Joshua is commanded by Moses to be courageous (Deuteronomy 31:6 and 31:23).He is commanded by God to be courageous (Joshua 1:6; 1:9, and 1:18). He commands the Hebrew people to be strong and courageous in battle and in defending their land (Joshua 10:25; 23:6).

            We also read of other times when men are called to be strong and courageous. David tells his son, Solomon, to be strong and courageous when he is commission to build the first temple (1 Chronicles 28:20). King Hezekiah tells his troops to be strong and courageous when facing the more powerful army of Assyrian King Sennacherib (2 Chronicles 32:7).  These are both instances when one would need perseverance and courage to do what was being asked.

            It may seem easy for me to tell others to be courageous from the comfort of my office. I have never fought in a war (as did Joshua, David, and Hezekiah’s men, and so many men in my family). And I have the greatest respect for those people who have faced war and battles. I know that they had to make a choice to be strong and courageous, and that was a potentially costly choice to make. While I may not be called to the same life-threatening choice of courage, the decision for me to live courageously for my God, my family, and my friends is still an important choice.

            Jesus spoke of the cost of courageous Christian living. He told people that they would have to daily choose to follow him. He uses the imagery of carrying a cross. The people in his time understood that imagery better than we do today. The cross was the most gruesome form of capital punishment administered by the Roman Empire. One who carried a cross was mocked, humiliated, and rejected. And Jesus tells his followers that they must choose to “take up this cross” daily. It comes with a cost.

A Christian must choose to be strong and courageous. There are times when you may have to be courageous with a gun pointed at your head. There are also times when you must be courageous when your job is on the line, or your family is endangered, or your good name is mocked. There will be times when you must be courageous because no one else will stand up for what is true and right. These are the times when we must be prepared to be strong and courageous. These are the times when we must be reminded of why we are to be strong and courageous. It is at these times when it would be easier to go with the flow rather than sticking your neck out into the dangerous unknown. But, God calls us to something better.

            I choose courage.  I choose to be courageous for my wife and children, for my friends, and mostly for my Lord.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

Telling the Truth

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

I try to teach my children to tell the truth. I have told them that we are always to do what is right, and that includes telling the truth.

This week, the lesson was put to the test. Each week, my son has a scrimmage game at the end of his hockey practice. On this night, he was on the team that was winning. The score was 8-2. Practice time was ending, so the coach had the kids face off at center ice and said, “The score is tied 6-6. The next goal wins the game.” The other team scored the final and deciding goal.

As the kids were leaving the rink, some parents congratulated their kids on “winning the game.” 

“They’re lying,” my son told me. “My team won. We scored more goals.”

“Yes,” I told him, “I know.”

But the banter continued, and my son was upset. So, on the walk back to my car, I tried to explain to him what was happening. I told him that since his team was doing so well, and the other team was not doing well, the coach simply tried to encourage the other team by claiming the game was tied.

“But, it wasn’t tied, he was lying,” my son responded.

“Well, yes, he was, but he was just trying to encourage those kids. He didn’t want them to be upset and feel bad about themselves and never come back to hockey practice. He was just trying to make them feel better,” I replied.

“Well, they were lying. And if they lie again, I’m not going back to hockey ever again.”

At that moment, I knew that what I had said, as rational as it may have been, was the wrong thing to say. He was right. What the coach had said was not true. While it was “harmless” it was nevertheless a lie. My son was right to be upset about that.

“You’re right,” I told my son. “It would have been better if the coach had said, ‘The next goal wins the game’ rather than saying that the score was tied.” 

He agreed. You see, he would not have cared if after outscoring the other team, he had lost so long as the loss came from that rule than from an outright untruth.

The incident reaffirmed to me that telling the truth is important. It reaffirmed that I am right to teach my children that lying is wrong. But, it also showed me that standing up for what is right and true can at times be difficult. Was the coach’s lie a harmless one. Sure. But, my son is right; it was a lie, and that is wrong. 

The final lesson I learned from this incident is that our children are constantly watching us, and listening to us. Remember this. Do your actions match up with the words you say? Your children will know.

God affirms the truth. His son, Jesus, is the truth. And Jesus tells us that the adversary is a liar and the father of lies. God commands us in the Ninth Commandment that, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” This commandment has certain application in upholding the truth in a trial or courtroom setting. But, it also clearly implies that our words are to be true – without deception. Telling the truth is not always easy, but as my son showed me this week, it is always right. 

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

Five Great Books for Christian Men

I do a lot of reading. Here are five books that I have read recently that I would recommend for Christian men and fathers. As you can see, some of these books have been out for a while, but they are great for a first read, or a re-read.

1)      Stepping Up (2011) by Dennis Rainey

Rainey’s book is a great read for any man seeking to leave a legacy of godliness to his family, or wondering how to lead a family in a godly path. Filled with personal stories and sage advice, I found the book to be a reminder that manhood carries with it many responsibilities that I must not neglect. The book is also a wellspring of quotes that can be used in many settings.

2)      Tender Warrior (2006) by Stu Weber

Weber looks at the important role a man plays in the life of his spouse, children, and friends. He reminds readers of the biblical precedent for being a strong person who is also loving and kind. Finally, he reminds men that we are accountable to God for all of our actions in family leadership.

3)      Conviction to Lead (2012) by Albert Mohler

Mohler lists 25 principles that are essential in every leader’s life. The principles have less to do with professional acumen and more to do with personal character. It is a great reminder that in whatever form of leadership (whether you lead a corporation, a classroom, or a family) your personal convictions and worldview are more important even than the decisions you make.

4)      Raising a Modern-Day Knight (2007) by Robert Lewis

Lewis walks through the process that he and two other friends took in raising their sons to be principled men of character. The three men developed a strategy for celebrating various manhood milestones in which their sons were “initiated” into a knighthood. The book is very practical. My son and I have started the conversation about what our family values should be and what our family crest should include. I’m looking forward to making a meaningful milestone ceremony when my son graduates from kindergarten this year.

5)      Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (2007) by Meg Meeker

The pediatrician gives ten principles that men must remember when raising their daughters. Her principles are not surprising, but they are good reminders that fathers have a significant influence on their daughters throughout the girls’ lives. Her research serves to show that a father must protect his daughter from a culture that is increasingly against her healthy maturation into womanhood.

            I don’t think any of these books will teach you something new. But they all remind you to keep up the good fight, and to hold fast to those things that are true and righteous. And I think that we need those reminders regularly. They also offer encouragement, giving you strength to carry on when you feel that everything is against your doing what is godly and biblical. For these reasons alone, they are worth a read.  

Learning from "Lincoln"

I got to see the movie “Lincoln” recently. I really enjoyed the movie. I found the decisions that the characters made to be morally challenging, and I enjoyed watching them work through the process to make their decisions. I will not share the details of the movie for those who have not seen it. But, I was struck by one thought at the movie’s conclusion. That thought is that every decision we make is a significant decision. All of our decisions have ramifications not only for us, but for many others as well. While we may not be deciding law for our country, those things that we do decide matter. Also, consider that a decision not to do anything is still a decision that can have significant repercussions.

            In one pivotal scene, Lincoln explains to his cabinet why he is pushing for the passage of the 13^th Amendment. He tells them that he made an oath to uphold the Constitution, and he believes that many of the decisions he made during wartime were made to fulfill his oath. But, he also fears that some of those decisions will be overturned at the conclusion of the war – specifically his Emancipation Proclamation that has freed the slaves. Passage of the 13^th Amendment would guarantee freedom for the slaves. It was a great scene, and it did get me thinking about our responsibility for the decisions we make.

            Play a “what if” game with me. While I know that God is sovereign and these “what if's” could not have happened, just indulge me. What if Abram chose not to leave his homeland and travel until God told him to stop? What if Moses had not led the Hebrew people out of Egypt? What if Samuel did not heed the call to go to the house of Jesse and anoint the next leader of the Israelites? What if Nehemiah had heard of Jerusalem’s poor defenses, and had not asked the Persian king to return to his homeland and rebuild the walls? What if Esther and Mordecai did not stand up for their people? What if Daniel had not gone up to his rooftop and prayed openly to God when it was forbidden by the Babylonian king? What if an unnamed person or persons had not prepared a room for Jesus and His disciples to take their last Passover meal together? What if Ananias did not obey God and befriend the newly converted Saul (Paul)?

            All of these choices, whether big or small, had great ramifications on the history of the world and the history of God’s people. Were some of these decisions monumental? Yes. But, some of these decisions were ones that seem simple or easy to avoid. Yet, even these decisions had a great impact on history.

            My decisions may not have the same weight on the world landscape. A decision I make will probably not change the course of world history, or save a people group from extermination. But, that does not mean that my decisions do not have weight on me and many around me. My decisions may in fact play a role in generations to come. Those things that I chose to advocate may change the life of a child, grandchild, or great grandchild.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” So, just as my active decisions have importance, so also my lack of decision can be just as important. If I do not fight for my children, what legacy will I leave for them? If I do not stand up for what is right and true, it is possible that no one else will. If I chose to be lazy or to hide my faith or to shelter myself from things that I find challenging, these decisions may indeed have great ramifications. It is easy to be complacent. It is easy to let someone else do the difficult stuff. But Bonhoeffer is undoubtedly correct, God will not hold us guiltless if we are silent and allow evil to grow.

Romans 14:12 reads, “So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.” That’s a sobering word. I am accountable for my decisions and for my indecision. So I ask, what decision have you been putting off? What has God called you to do which you have avoided up to now? What decisions do you need to go back to and correct so that from this day forward you are acting in a way that is right and true? It may not be easy to act on these things, but it is necessary. 


For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

Dad, Why Do You Work?

Note: This is part of an ongoing series on teaching biblical stewardship to our children.

            “Dad, why do you work?”

            This is the question that both of my children have asked recently. As my wife and I teach our children about biblical stewardship, the kids wonder where the money comes from and why. This is a great question for my kids to ask, because it is the starting point for a discussion on stewardship. Have you ever thought about the question? Do you know what you would answer if your child asks this question?

            God has instilled within us the desire to work. It is part of the fabric of our beings. We want to accomplish tasks. We want to leave this world differently than we entered it. We want to construct on a piece of bare land, and leave a mark that says, “I was here. I mattered. I brought change to this once-barren place.” God gave us that desire.

            At the dawn of humankind, when God created Adam, He gave Adam a purpose. Adam had a job to do. Adam was to steward the Garden of Eden. He was to name the animals. After the Fall, Adam still worked, but his toil brought sweat to his brow. Some will say that work is a result of the Fall, but that is not true, work came before the Fall.

            Throughout the Bible, we see examples of people who labor with a purpose. Abraham prospers in such a way that he must separate from his nephew since their flocks become too numerous. Jacob works without complaint to win the hand of Rachel. Joseph uses his administrative prowess to prepare the Egyptians for a coming famine, and to feed them during that seven-year famine. Nehemiah builds a wall around Jerusalem. Solomon builds a temple for God. Jeremiah and Baruch are given the words of God to record. Peter, James, and John fish, and become fishers of men. Paul travels as a missionary, moonlighting as a tentmaker to pay his way. Lydia dies cloth. The list is endless.

            The Bible also instructs us as to the value of work. Proverbs is filled with truth about the diligent worker and the folly of the lazy person. The Proverbs 31 woman is an industrious businesswoman. Peter warns that elders exercise oversight over the church willingly, not under compulsion. Paul warns that one who does not work shall not share in the food of the believers (2 Thessalonians 3:10). And Paul tells Timothy that the man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.

            So, I answer my children by telling them that I work because God has given me the desire and the ability to do so. I work because I want to honor Him by diligent labor. I work because to avoid work is displeasing to the Lord. I work because I do not expect someone else to take care of me or feel entitled to a share of something to which I did not contribute.

            I also want to teach my children that, while these are some of the reasons why I work, that work is a way for me to carefully take care of those things with which God has entrusted me. That is the reason for stewardship. Why do we care about stewardship? We care because God has given us a little on this earth, and we are expected to make it useful for Him. To do otherwise is unfathomable. Jesus tells the parable of the talents. In the parable, the Master entrusts servants with a different number of talents. The master did not entrust one servant with all of the talents, but he spread the wealth, so to speak. But, the master also expected that the servants would administer (steward) those talents wisely. Two servants did, doubling the amount of talents they were able to return to the master. One servant squandered his talent, and was not able to give the master more than he was given. The master calls this servant wicked. The parable shows us that God expects us to be diligent in administering those things he has given to us. A proper work ethic is the starting point for using God’s resources effectively.

            So, kids, you asked me, “Why do you work, Dad?” The answer is two-fold. First, I work because I cannot help but work. It is part of how God made me. To neglect that, and to be idle, would be impossible. Second, I work to give back to God just a little of the abundant grace He has given to me. God has entrusted me with so much, and I want to be a good, worthy steward of those things.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.