Five Great Books for Christian Men

I do a lot of reading. Here are five books that I have read recently that I would recommend for Christian men and fathers. As you can see, some of these books have been out for a while, but they are great for a first read, or a re-read.

1)      Stepping Up (2011) by Dennis Rainey

Rainey’s book is a great read for any man seeking to leave a legacy of godliness to his family, or wondering how to lead a family in a godly path. Filled with personal stories and sage advice, I found the book to be a reminder that manhood carries with it many responsibilities that I must not neglect. The book is also a wellspring of quotes that can be used in many settings.

2)      Tender Warrior (2006) by Stu Weber

Weber looks at the important role a man plays in the life of his spouse, children, and friends. He reminds readers of the biblical precedent for being a strong person who is also loving and kind. Finally, he reminds men that we are accountable to God for all of our actions in family leadership.

3)      Conviction to Lead (2012) by Albert Mohler

Mohler lists 25 principles that are essential in every leader’s life. The principles have less to do with professional acumen and more to do with personal character. It is a great reminder that in whatever form of leadership (whether you lead a corporation, a classroom, or a family) your personal convictions and worldview are more important even than the decisions you make.

4)      Raising a Modern-Day Knight (2007) by Robert Lewis

Lewis walks through the process that he and two other friends took in raising their sons to be principled men of character. The three men developed a strategy for celebrating various manhood milestones in which their sons were “initiated” into a knighthood. The book is very practical. My son and I have started the conversation about what our family values should be and what our family crest should include. I’m looking forward to making a meaningful milestone ceremony when my son graduates from kindergarten this year.

5)      Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (2007) by Meg Meeker

The pediatrician gives ten principles that men must remember when raising their daughters. Her principles are not surprising, but they are good reminders that fathers have a significant influence on their daughters throughout the girls’ lives. Her research serves to show that a father must protect his daughter from a culture that is increasingly against her healthy maturation into womanhood.

            I don’t think any of these books will teach you something new. But they all remind you to keep up the good fight, and to hold fast to those things that are true and righteous. And I think that we need those reminders regularly. They also offer encouragement, giving you strength to carry on when you feel that everything is against your doing what is godly and biblical. For these reasons alone, they are worth a read.  

Learning from "Lincoln"

I got to see the movie “Lincoln” recently. I really enjoyed the movie. I found the decisions that the characters made to be morally challenging, and I enjoyed watching them work through the process to make their decisions. I will not share the details of the movie for those who have not seen it. But, I was struck by one thought at the movie’s conclusion. That thought is that every decision we make is a significant decision. All of our decisions have ramifications not only for us, but for many others as well. While we may not be deciding law for our country, those things that we do decide matter. Also, consider that a decision not to do anything is still a decision that can have significant repercussions.

            In one pivotal scene, Lincoln explains to his cabinet why he is pushing for the passage of the 13^th Amendment. He tells them that he made an oath to uphold the Constitution, and he believes that many of the decisions he made during wartime were made to fulfill his oath. But, he also fears that some of those decisions will be overturned at the conclusion of the war – specifically his Emancipation Proclamation that has freed the slaves. Passage of the 13^th Amendment would guarantee freedom for the slaves. It was a great scene, and it did get me thinking about our responsibility for the decisions we make.

            Play a “what if” game with me. While I know that God is sovereign and these “what if's” could not have happened, just indulge me. What if Abram chose not to leave his homeland and travel until God told him to stop? What if Moses had not led the Hebrew people out of Egypt? What if Samuel did not heed the call to go to the house of Jesse and anoint the next leader of the Israelites? What if Nehemiah had heard of Jerusalem’s poor defenses, and had not asked the Persian king to return to his homeland and rebuild the walls? What if Esther and Mordecai did not stand up for their people? What if Daniel had not gone up to his rooftop and prayed openly to God when it was forbidden by the Babylonian king? What if an unnamed person or persons had not prepared a room for Jesus and His disciples to take their last Passover meal together? What if Ananias did not obey God and befriend the newly converted Saul (Paul)?

            All of these choices, whether big or small, had great ramifications on the history of the world and the history of God’s people. Were some of these decisions monumental? Yes. But, some of these decisions were ones that seem simple or easy to avoid. Yet, even these decisions had a great impact on history.

            My decisions may not have the same weight on the world landscape. A decision I make will probably not change the course of world history, or save a people group from extermination. But, that does not mean that my decisions do not have weight on me and many around me. My decisions may in fact play a role in generations to come. Those things that I chose to advocate may change the life of a child, grandchild, or great grandchild.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” So, just as my active decisions have importance, so also my lack of decision can be just as important. If I do not fight for my children, what legacy will I leave for them? If I do not stand up for what is right and true, it is possible that no one else will. If I chose to be lazy or to hide my faith or to shelter myself from things that I find challenging, these decisions may indeed have great ramifications. It is easy to be complacent. It is easy to let someone else do the difficult stuff. But Bonhoeffer is undoubtedly correct, God will not hold us guiltless if we are silent and allow evil to grow.

Romans 14:12 reads, “So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.” That’s a sobering word. I am accountable for my decisions and for my indecision. So I ask, what decision have you been putting off? What has God called you to do which you have avoided up to now? What decisions do you need to go back to and correct so that from this day forward you are acting in a way that is right and true? It may not be easy to act on these things, but it is necessary. 


For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

Dad, Why Do You Work?

Note: This is part of an ongoing series on teaching biblical stewardship to our children.

            “Dad, why do you work?”

            This is the question that both of my children have asked recently. As my wife and I teach our children about biblical stewardship, the kids wonder where the money comes from and why. This is a great question for my kids to ask, because it is the starting point for a discussion on stewardship. Have you ever thought about the question? Do you know what you would answer if your child asks this question?

            God has instilled within us the desire to work. It is part of the fabric of our beings. We want to accomplish tasks. We want to leave this world differently than we entered it. We want to construct on a piece of bare land, and leave a mark that says, “I was here. I mattered. I brought change to this once-barren place.” God gave us that desire.

            At the dawn of humankind, when God created Adam, He gave Adam a purpose. Adam had a job to do. Adam was to steward the Garden of Eden. He was to name the animals. After the Fall, Adam still worked, but his toil brought sweat to his brow. Some will say that work is a result of the Fall, but that is not true, work came before the Fall.

            Throughout the Bible, we see examples of people who labor with a purpose. Abraham prospers in such a way that he must separate from his nephew since their flocks become too numerous. Jacob works without complaint to win the hand of Rachel. Joseph uses his administrative prowess to prepare the Egyptians for a coming famine, and to feed them during that seven-year famine. Nehemiah builds a wall around Jerusalem. Solomon builds a temple for God. Jeremiah and Baruch are given the words of God to record. Peter, James, and John fish, and become fishers of men. Paul travels as a missionary, moonlighting as a tentmaker to pay his way. Lydia dies cloth. The list is endless.

            The Bible also instructs us as to the value of work. Proverbs is filled with truth about the diligent worker and the folly of the lazy person. The Proverbs 31 woman is an industrious businesswoman. Peter warns that elders exercise oversight over the church willingly, not under compulsion. Paul warns that one who does not work shall not share in the food of the believers (2 Thessalonians 3:10). And Paul tells Timothy that the man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.

            So, I answer my children by telling them that I work because God has given me the desire and the ability to do so. I work because I want to honor Him by diligent labor. I work because to avoid work is displeasing to the Lord. I work because I do not expect someone else to take care of me or feel entitled to a share of something to which I did not contribute.

            I also want to teach my children that, while these are some of the reasons why I work, that work is a way for me to carefully take care of those things with which God has entrusted me. That is the reason for stewardship. Why do we care about stewardship? We care because God has given us a little on this earth, and we are expected to make it useful for Him. To do otherwise is unfathomable. Jesus tells the parable of the talents. In the parable, the Master entrusts servants with a different number of talents. The master did not entrust one servant with all of the talents, but he spread the wealth, so to speak. But, the master also expected that the servants would administer (steward) those talents wisely. Two servants did, doubling the amount of talents they were able to return to the master. One servant squandered his talent, and was not able to give the master more than he was given. The master calls this servant wicked. The parable shows us that God expects us to be diligent in administering those things he has given to us. A proper work ethic is the starting point for using God’s resources effectively.

            So, kids, you asked me, “Why do you work, Dad?” The answer is two-fold. First, I work because I cannot help but work. It is part of how God made me. To neglect that, and to be idle, would be impossible. Second, I work to give back to God just a little of the abundant grace He has given to me. God has entrusted me with so much, and I want to be a good, worthy steward of those things.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.  

I Want More, and More, and More

Note: This is part of an ongoing series on teaching biblical stewardship to our children.    

 

My three-year-old daughter dresses herself in the morning. None of the clothes that my wife or I pick for her are right, so she goes through her drawers and chooses her own clothes. Lately, she has started to layer her clothes. What started as a cute thing, has turned ugly. Yesterday morning, my daughter came into the living room wearing a sweater shirt, over a dress, over two shirts. She also had a tutu over the bottom portion of the dress and pants on underneath. She’s not dressing for winter weather. I think she’s trying to get all of her possessions on her body before going to daycare. We have to negotiate the number of clothes she can wear to school almost daily. And she’s not just a fashionista. We have the same negotiations about how many toys she may take to her school’s “Share Toy” day. The school allows one. She tries to stuff her backpack with a couple extra share toys. Our son also tries to stuff his backpack with too much or with things he should not take to school.

            Is this just a childish phase? Will they grow out of it and move on to something else? Possibly. But, I think there may be a more insidious, underlying idolatry occurring here. I think my children are worshiping the idol of possessions. And as my wife and I are trying to instill values of stewardship into their lives, we will need to work through this idolatry of possessions.

            Some of you may think I am being extreme, or worrying over nothing. However, I can see the trouble in store if my kids do not have a healthy response to their possessions. Paul warns about the dangers of a love of money (or possessions). He writes to Timothy that, “Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. It is through the craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs” (1 Timothy 6:9-10). Further on, Paul writes “As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, not to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:17-19).

            Note, that Paul does not tell us that money is evil. Nor does he say that wealth is bad. But, he does caution us that we must be wary of a love of money and that those who are rich (and though my family is not wealthy, we are, compared to most of the world, secure), must understand the uncertainty of money and possessions. These are values that we are trying to teach our children. We frequently tell them that they are blessed financially in ways that so many others are not. We try to teach them that they have far more toys, or clothes, or food items than most kids in this world could ever dream of having. We try to teach the value of sharing. We have tried to teach that we should take care of those possessions we are blessed to have. We have tried to teach them that we can bless others by giving to them either some of our possessions, or money and resources as we are able. We have tried to teach them that Mom and Dad work diligently for our paychecks and that we must be wise and careful in how we spend these paychecks.

            With all of this teaching, we still have children who want more, who neglect what they have, and who do not see the blessings of God in their lives. But, lest you be quick to judge them as spoiled brats, let me ask you (and me): Do you want more? Do you neglect what you have? Do you see the blessings of God in your life? Has our consumer culture affected what you value?

            You see, I don’t just see my kids as the ones who want more. I have to look at myself in the mirror. When my teaching falls on deaf ears, I have to look at my own heart and determine if my teaching is not heard because my actions do not back up what my words proclaim. Am I double-minded, saying one thing but inwardly desiring something different? As I watch my children, I am learning so much about myself. The hard truth is that I too, sometimes, define myself by my possessions. As I am teaching my children, I must be reminded that I too need to lay a good foundation for the future, so that I may take hold of that which is truly life.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

The Pain of Stewardship

It started again yesterday. My son began with his wish list.

            “Dad, can you tell Santa that on Christmas I want the Sharks helmet that Joe Thornton wears. But, Dad, it has to be the black one, the one they wear at their home games. And I want the black Sharks hockey jersey that the Sharks wear at their home games. And it has to be the one with a number 19. And, can you tell Santa that I want a goalie mask like the one that the Sharks’ goalie wears. And …”

            Of course my daughter chimed in too. “And tell Santa that I want more Hello Kitty.”

            It was a painful conversation for me. Not only because Christmas is too many months away, but because my wife and I have been having the conversation about stewardship. Our conversation sounds like this: “After Christmas, we are not buying anything else. Our kids have more toys than they know what to do with. They have so much that they do not appreciate what they have. We need to teach them to respect what they get and be thankful. It’s our fault for caving in all the time and buying more.”

            So, less than a month after talking about our parental desire to teach our kids about proper stewardship, my kids were testing my resolve.

            I have been seriously considering stewardship over the past couple of months. I have also been considering how to teach my children about biblical stewardship. Since they are ages five and three, I think they are ready for some discipline in this area. And, in truth, we as parents have been lax about teaching our children about proper use of money, resources, and other stewardship principles. It is now time to start laying the foundation and teaching them some important life lessons in this area. We want to teach them about proper use of money, proper use of food, proper use of resources, proper use of our earth’s resources, and many other stewardship lessons.

            However, I think that it becomes so difficult for parents to teach and lead in this area because we so often fall short of the mark ourselves. And I think we as parents feel like hypocrites when we tell our children what is proper and right, when we struggle in those areas ourselves. We might ask ourselves questions such as these (and these are some of the questions I am asking myself):

-          Can I talk about spending within your means when I am swimming in a sea of debt?

-          Can I talk about budgets when I don’t live off of a budget?

-          Can I talk about giving your first and best to God, when I struggle to give to God?

-          Can I make my kids eat a proper meal when I most of my meals come from a fast-food wrapper?

-          Can I limit my kids’ sugar intake, when my arm is attached to an IV bag of corn syrup?

-          Can I tell my kids to give away their toys and clothes, when my closet looks like a room from the TV show “Hoarders”?

-          Can I talk about proper time management when I look like the proverbial chicken with its head cut off, running around the farm yard with no rhyme or reason?

-          Can I make my kids save a percentage of their allowance, when I have emptied my 401(k) to get me over this most recent financial setback?

-          Can I tell my kids to give to others and treat others with compassion, when I have no time to say “hello” to my neighbor?

-          Can I tell my kids that they need to give time to God, when I don’t read my Bible, or help with that ministry at my church home?

These are tough questions, and some require even tougher answers. When our children look into our lives, do these see lives ruled by spiritual discipline? It’s all right for our kids to see some failure in some areas. It’s all right for our kids to see us trying to resolve some of these issues in our own lives.

You know, the truth is that many times I act like my kids did yesterday, “God, give me, give me, and give me.” So, I am on a bit of a crusade this year to be better personally in the area of stewardship, and to begin to teach my children proper, biblical concepts of stewardship. How? I’ll tell you more in my next blog post. Until then, enjoy the many blessings you have received from the Lord.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

I Write; Therefore I am

“And the Lord answered me: ‘Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end, it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:2-3

            God’s word is spoken. But, God’s word is also a written word. Had the biblical writers not been instructed to write down the words of God, we probably would not have them today. God told Moses, Joshua, Habakkuk, Jeremiah, and others to write the words of life. We know of the Savior because people wrote the words He spoke during his earthly ministry. Many of the great thoughts of our ancestors were written by Christians. Where would our trust in God be today without the writings of Augustine, Milton, Bunyan, Luther, Edwards, and so many others?

            As I lead my family, I am aware of the reality that things which are not written down are not remembered. As I seek to establish a godly legacy with my children, I am cognizant that I must write things down, or they will be forgotten. I am sure that some of those times I share with my children in conversation will be remembered after they are grown and after I am gone. But, most of those words will be forgotten. So I must write down those things that are most important.

            I notice that if we write things down, they will be not only remembered but put into action. If I make a mental list of household tasks I want to accomplish, I will forget some of them. However, if I write them down, I am visibly reminded of my accomplishments, or my lack of accomplishment. This is also true when I seek to establish a family vision and mission. I have been thinking a lot about our family vision lately. What should our family look like 20, 30, 50 years down the road. What principles and ethics will we hold to as a family? The truth is, I have thought much about these things, but I have not written them down. So, they remain ethereal concepts which will never be enacted.

            I read Albert Mohler’s book The Conviction to Lead. In his book, he makes the point that one’s legacy is furthered by what one writes during his life. If I want to preserve a family legacy, and a family value code, it is necessary for me to write it down. Mohler makes the sobering point that the tombstones in a cemetery tell us very little about the person buried there. He reminds us that historically significant figures are forgotten today. But, he points out, those convictions that those people held can be passed on to future generations.

            I do not know much of my family history. I have a few stories that have been passed down. I have heard my parents tell stories of their parents, which help me know a little more about those people. But, I do not know their greatest hopes, their fears, or what they wanted to pass on to their children. I don’t think my life would be significantly altered if I did know those things about my ancestors, but it might impact how I live my life. My five-year-old son has been asking my wife and me to share stories of when we were children. He loves to hear those stories. He will probably remember some of those stories. But, I want to leave him with more than stories. I want to pass on my convictions and morals, as well.

            So, I want to write the stories of my past. I want to leave my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren with the story of my life and what I held dear. I want them to understand my faith and my commitment to Jesus. I want them to know the values and principles by which I try to live my life. I want them to be able to pass on those principles and values to their children and grandchildren. I don’t want to be remembered for who I am and what I accomplish, but I do want to be remembered for whose I am and what He has accomplished.

            So this year, I will write. I will write the stories of my life. I will write the stories that have been told to me of my parents and grandparents. Who knows, I might even find out if my dad’s uncle was in truth a bank robber, as he claimed to be. But, I will also write my values, my convictions, my principles to share with my children when they are older and able to understand. I will continue to write letters to my children, telling them how much I love them and how much I enjoy watching them grow and mature. And I will write, with my family’s help, our family vision and principles. That is a legacy which I pray will be passed on long after I have left this earth.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.

Generational Parenting: The Gift that Keeps On Giving

My children have spent a good deal of time this past year with their grandparents. My parents live 30 minutes from our family. My wife’s parents live a thousand miles away. But, our kids will get to see my wife’s parents three times this year, including Christmas at our home. The kids get to spend the night with my parents once in a while, too.

            When I look back at my childhood, I know that these times with grandparents are important. I lost my maternal grandparents when I was six-years-old, my paternal grandfather when I was seven-years-old, and my paternal grandmother when I was twelve. My kids don’t know how important these memory making times are for them. I thank God that they have all of their grandparents. I also thank God that they are building great memories of these times.

            I appreciate how important the role of grandparenting is to the young child. My children adore their grandparents. My son follows both of his grandfathers everywhere they go. My daughter thinks the sun, moon, and stars orbit around her grandmothers. They love to hear stories about their grandparents as they were growing up. I think they love even more to hear their grandparents tell them stories of my wife and me as children.

            My son is learning things from his grandfathers that he cannot learn from me. My son is fascinated with hunting. I don’t hunt, but both of his grandfathers have hunted. They can tell him stories about tracking a deer or an elk and making the kill that simply leave him in awe. His grandfathers show my son their rifles or knives and he admires these men in his life who have provided for their families through hunting.

            My daughter is learning things from her grandmothers, too. She helps them cook, or bake cookies. She loves to spend the night with my mom, and my mom will paint my daughter’s fingernails. Grandma buys her pretty dresses. Granny (my wife’s mother) got her a jewlery box for her birthday.

            It is amazing to me how my son gravitates to his grandfathers while my daughter gravitates to her grandmothers. They seem to have that inate sense of maleness or femaleness, and they have turned to their grandparents in affirmation of that sense.

            Over Thanskgiving week, we traveled to my in-laws home. There, the kids got to run wild in their grandparent’s home. My son got to shoot rubber band guns that his Grampa had made. The kids got to play board games with their grandparents -- and my kids even played by the rules, without cheating!! We got to go into the woods and decorate a tree with pinecone ornaments dipped in peanut butter and bird seed, popcorn, and berries for the deer and rabbits to feast on. The kids got to ride in “Dead Red,” the family van that was built the same year my wife was born. Dead Red is a family legend, and the kids enjoyed riding in the legend. They searched for golf balls at the golf course adjacent to my in-laws house (and they found a couple to keep).

            We live in an age when children do not have the benefit of generational parenting. Often, families live far apart and cannot get together frequently. Our world is different from biblical times, when families lived in close proximity and a community was responsible for raising children into adulthood. I did not get to experience much of this generational parenting because my grandparents died when I was so young. My younger sister was too young to have any memories of her materal grandparents or her paternal grandfather. So I thank God for the blessings he is giving to my children. I also thank God that I can watch my parents show love to my children. As with all families, our family made mistakes and I didn’t always feel the love of both of my parents. But, as I watch my parents interact with love toward my children, I too am blessed.

For more Faith of This Father, you can like the Faith of This Father page on Facebook or follow on Twitter @faithotfather. Or email me at faithofthisfather@yahoo.com.