Editor's Note: I originally wrote and published this in 2012. Although the years have passed, and my son has grown older (I've grown older too, but let's not mention that). I thought it would be fun to revisit this post after several years. I was surprised by the relevancy after some many years. In general, my son's personal characteristics have not changed. He may not wear cowboy boots today, but those characteristics that defined him seven years ago still define him as an 11-year-old. Today, I am so proud of how he has worked through personal adversities. He is strong. I plan to write another post updating the things I have learned from my son soon.
Becoming a father to two wonderful children (ages 4 and 2) has been a source of great joy and great education for me. Here are some of the things I have learned from my son (I’ll share lessons I’ve learned from my daughter in a later post.)
Becoming a father to two wonderful children (ages 4 and 2) has been a source of great joy and great education for me. Here are some of the things I have learned from my son (I’ll share lessons I’ve learned from my daughter in a later post.)
First, my son has taught me to live in the moment. I am naturally analytical. I like order. I do like change and new things, but I like them to be on my terms. My son is completely opposite of me. He lives in the moment. Yes, this means that he is impatient (so am I) and we will work on his patience over the next years. However, there is something endearing about his desire to be in the moment. Why wait to ride your bike, when you can ride it now? Who needs to wait for hockey practice, when you can strap on your rollerblades and play hockey now? I have learned that he is often right. He seizes the day. I am learning also to seize the day. I am unlikely to stop planning or setting life goals any time soon, but I am seeking to seize opportunities to enjoy life when they arise.
Second, my son has taught me to value companionship. He always needs to be near people. His need can be frustrating at times (“please, son, let me just go to the restroom alone for one minute!!”) but there is nothing sweeter than when he wakes up in the morning and plants himself next to me on the couch, asking me to place my arm around his shoulder. While I do like people (really, I do), I could spend days alone and be content. Honestly, I could probably spend a few weeks alone and not grow lonely. A funny thing has happened, however, to this self-proclaimed introvert. When I am away from my family, even if only for a few hours, I long to see them again. I truly enjoy time spent with family in a way that I did not enjoy it before. My son has taught me that the basic human need for relationship (especially a relationship with God) is so important to me.
Third, my son has taught me to stand up for what is right. My son is not given to defending himself. He is a follower rather than a leader. In his diffidence, I have seen him many times submit to a bully or a child with a more aggressive personality. He has come to tell me that the boys on the playground won’t let him go down the slide, or that his friend decides what they will play and the rules governing the play. My heart breaks for him. I want him to stand up for himself. Then I realize that there are still many times in my life when I cower to bullies I meet rather than standing up for what is decent, right, and true. I have made some decisions in recent years that were not well-received by many people, but I know they were the right decisions because they were made to uphold what was decent. If I had not watched my son submit to his bullies, I might not have had the fortitude to stand up for what is right.
Fourth, my son has taught me that I must persevere when times are tough. My son reacts to setbacks in one of two ways: either he will give up in tears, or he will keep pressing on. You would expect that from a four-year-old. I have watched him throw a tantrum when he cannot hit a baseball I have pitched to him. I have watched him burst into tears when his hockey equipment does not fit properly. And I have watched him punch and kick when he cannot accomplish a physical task. But, I have also seen him kick a soccer ball over and over until he scores a goal. I have seen him overome a past fear and tackle his fear with strong-willed determination. I find that I can react to setbacks just like a four-year-old: I can give up, or I can press on. There are many days when I want to leave my calling as a pastor, or move somewhere I am unknown. When these days come, I often think of that little boy who perseveres. He keeps at it and does not give up. The fact is, even though I see times when he temporarily gives up, my son never abandons his objective. He eventually hits the baseball I pitch to him, and he gets his hockey equipment to fit. During those times, he often says, “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.” I don’t know where he learned that saying, but I like it. God has not promised us a trouble-free life. In this world there will be trials, but we are called to look to the One who has overcome the world.
Fifth, my son has taught me to enjoy things outside of my comfort zone. I’m a bookworm. I’m not an athlete or an outdoorsman. My son, on the other hand, is a natural athlete. He is fascinated by wildlife. He is interested in hunting. He can distinguish a mule deer from a white-tail deer, and can tell you the differences between a buck, doe, and fawn (alright, it’s not rocket science, but it still impresses me). He loves cowboys and is always wearing cowboy boots. And I am learning to love those things with him. They may not be the things I would find interesting, but his interest has spurred my interests.
Finally, my son has taught me so much about love. It is true that you cannot understand the love of a parent for a child until you are a parent. I am exacerbated by my son’s attitude at times. He is a very strong-willed child (I believe they would have called him a “spirited child” in the olden days). I want him to have empathy when he hurts his sister. I want him to do things on my timetable and schedule. But, I love that tyke unconditionally. He brings joy into my life. I imagine my love for him is very like the love God has for me. He must get exacerbated with my willfulness (O.K. let’s call it stubbornness). I am sure He wants me to have empathy for others. And I am sure that He wants me to walk in the good works that he has prepared for me in advance to walk in. Yet, I know that God loves me unconditionally. I would not know how much God loves me, if it were not for my son.
What lessons have you learned from your son or your sons?
